


There is no sweeter innocence than (y)our gentle sin

by Miruyuunim



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adultery, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 08:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18825136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miruyuunim/pseuds/Miruyuunim
Summary: Will you still love me for the coming years?Will I be your only one who fills your heart like you are in my heart?Will you let me go, one day?Come take me back in your arms





	There is no sweeter innocence than (y)our gentle sin

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by someone who is really dear to me. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met and the loveliest person in the world. Always love you.
> 
> Inaccurate Korean map and Korean uni academic calendar. Also, my dumbass 2015 get confused with imessage and KKT I think I even wrote Jongdae have Sam*** phone instead of iph*** lmao
> 
> WARNING I WOULD NOT RESPONSIBLE ANY OF YALL TEARS AND HEARTACHE AFTER READING THIS. 
> 
> Daelightsaving livejournal fic-fest 2015 (repost) requested by someone who wished to reread again since the fest is discontinued and deleted all the fics included mine.

  
Today is the day, yeah the best day in every year. The excitement never dies, it is growing more exciting and meaningful every year. The dusk is finally setting in the sky, the orange hue and tinge of splattered violet decorated the blue sky. The night is coming and the awaited moment is on the doorstep, waiting to open it.  
  
Jongdae did his best today, to make this special day even worthy than every year he had been through. Jongdae likes odd numbers; it's God favourite numbers—that's what he had been told since he was a child and it stuck with him until now. Five years of living together with someone he loves, no amount can express the amount of love he has for his spouse, Byun Baekhyun.  
  
Jongdae doesn't think the anniversary is necessary to celebrate it—it doesn't mean they don't have their special day. Every day is a special day for him and Baekhyun. Never a day he ever qualm about his heart towards his dear husband. An anniversary for him is a day to remember the day they get married. The day they shared their vows on the altar. He wanted to remember it together with Baekhyun—it takes a special day to talk about this special moment.  
  
The wedding ring fits snugly on his left ring finger, is a constant reminder he is a married man. The anniversary is unnecessary when there's still a wedding band fit on your finger and your husband is living with you. But it is fun to celebrate it, like birthday—excited to grow, expecting new things and mature along the way. He wants his relationship grows endlessly until the depth of the earth, where they would sleep there for eternal.  
  
Anniversary dinner isn't special; they ate fancy food on normal days. His favourite food is ordinary, common food even Baekhyun's too. They eat dinner almost together it's nothing different with their anniversary dinner but it's different. It isn't like birthday, not everyone gets the opportunity to have this and Jongdae doesn't miss the chance.  
  
The anniversary is unnecessary but they enjoyed it very much.  
  
Jongdae has more free time to learn cooking than Baekhyun. Not to say Jongdae is a great cook—both of them are terrible in the kitchen. Depend on take out every meal makes them sick, literally. Jongdae decides to learn one or two about cooking and it leads him to cook more than just a decent food.  
  
He cooked braised lamb chop with mash potatoes and coleslaw for their side dish and a great red wine to balance their taste palette—wine taste better than plain ol' beer. He arranges raspberry, red coloured candles on the centre of the table. He's debating with himself should he put roses together with the candles fiercely light up, illuminating the soft orange glow around it.  
  
Jongdae frowns it's just roses. He ends up put it together nicely with the candles. Of course from a safe distance—accident might happen.  
  
The clock strikes at 7 pm and the sky is deeply soaked in pitch black colour. Jongdae is anxious waiting for Baekhyun's return. Jongdae doesn't drop any hint today is their anniversary because it's Baekhyun things to do. He likes to play quizzes with Jongdae—the same question about them over years and years. It's cute and endearing. Baekhyun is subtle but not the best one. Jongdae never forgets their wedding—it's a once a time in their life. He won't dare to do it.  
  
But Baekhyun is Baekhyun, always thinking the ridiculous event. _"What if you got Alzheimer right now. You were confused today is Friday when it's Thursday. You even convinced me! Soon you'll appreciated it Jongdae."_ Jongdae remembers Baekhyun's infamous smug face. Jongdae chuckles to himself, what a memory.  
  
It's weird, Baekhyun didn't fuss about anything today. They didn't talk much in the morning today, Jongdae didn't know what was wrong. Baekhyun did mention it's the grading paper season but doesn't their anniversary always in the same month of University's student final exams, every year? It never bothers them too much. Somehow, this year had a slight shift on today. Jongdae feels oddly off.  
  
Jongdae walks out from the kitchen going towards to the couch in the living room. He checks his conversation with Baekhyun on his phone, he sent his last message during the afternoon and there is no response from Baekhyun since then until now. It irks Jongdae, Baekhyun doesn't say a word. Crestfallen, Jongdae's intuition is beginning to unravel his anxiety. Baekhyun never leaves him hanging. It's weird to get in this situation, Baekhyun doesn't reply his messages—he knows Baekhyun doesn't have time to answer his calls. He's too deep in his work, phone calling rarely happens but he compensates it by always to stay online on his KKT. So, there won't be any complication when there's an emergency.  
  
However, this—right now. It is affecting Jongdae's emotions. It is 7.15 pm, stays on the top of Jongdae's phone screen. Baekhyun's sudden quietness baffles Jongdae a lot. He is seldom being reserved to himself, he hates silence—he's the entertainer and Jongdae enjoys it. This reverse circumstance is confusing Jongdae. By this time, Baekhyun would be awe at their dinner after Jongdae had forces him to close his eyes and shoves him into the room and take a hot bath he had prepared. While Baekhyun would blabber about the food he smells and compliments Jongdae's skills and talks anything that never fails Jongdae from smiling ear to ear.  
  
Ah, the water will get warm soon.  
  
To: Hubby  
  
_Don't stress over your work. I'm waiting for you at home. You're very quiet today, I'm worried about you, babe._ 14:23  
  
Jongdae sighs, his guts is doing a crazy somersault. He hopes Baekhyun is fine.  
  
To: Hubby  
  
_When are you gonna come back? Are you being hold back there? Dinner is getting cold if you don't hurry up. I know you're starving. You always anticipate dinner the most. Today is our anniversary, wanted to remind you—_  
  
Jongdae deletes the last sentence. He doesn't want to be sound like a desperate housewife. Baekhyun works hard, no don't push things like this. An anniversary is just another celebration. Their marital life is still going even without it.  
  
_Sending…_  
  
His new message pops out onto the screen. His blue bubble text is waiting for the grey bubble text to appear underneath it.  
Patience is a virtue, Jongdae is waiting for the text and Baekhyun.  
  
  
  
  
The scented candle on their dining table is melted half of its form. Dinner had towed in the refrigerator, it won't do good for the food staying outside for too long. It's going to be cold anyway. The water in the bathtub—Jongdae used it instead drain it down the pipes. Jongdae is slumping on the couch, holding his phone on top of his chest. Staring up at the ceiling. His mind is wondering, where did it all go wrong? He doesn't get the hint Baekhyun is upset with him. Was today isn't just a mere wedding anniversary? Is there any event he forgets? Baekhyun is going somewhere and Jongdae doesn't remember it? Maybe he's getting the Alzheimer's symptoms—he isn't 30 yet. When is the crisis life for men?  
  
He flips his phone and turns on his lock screen—22:45. 10 missed calls and 5 messages sent to Baekhyun. It is eerily silent for him. Jongdae's mind is scattering with five W's questions. His mind is so loud yet, the house is strangely calm. The disappointment lays on his chest, burden him and heavy. He is really upset with Baekhyun's new attitude.  
  
How could Baekhyun simply ignore him? Is Baekhyun tired with Jongdae? Five years is a long journey for them. Jongdae is a plain boring goody two shoes guy, contrast with Baekhyun who is more lively, daring and playful. He guesses fifth year anniversary isn't interesting for Baekhyun anymore. Jongdae is getting old but he isn't really that old. He did remember he spots another line of wrinkle appeared at the edge of his eyes this morning. It is very obvious whenever he smiles. Is that the reason Baekhyun is acting cold on him this morning? But Baekhyun adores it, every time Jongdae hates his wrinkle. Baekhyun likes it.  
  
Baekhyun, he looks like a college student despite his age is the same old as Jongdae's. He had the cutest baby face. He looks young and fresh, complimentary with his running wild and spontaneous soul. Did Baekhyun realise Jongdae is holding him down? Is Jongdae a heavy baggage in their relationship?  
  
This is frustrating Jongdae, the insane questions are nothing but his conscience. Baekhyun won't think like this. Jongdae is overthinking, Baekhyun always pointing out his flaws. Baekhyun accused him that's why he's getting absent-minded most of the time. He's thinking things he shouldn't and forgets things he should.  
  
Then Jongdae hears the main door security is unlocked, he sits up on his seat and anticipated for the person who entered their apartment. His eyes are focused on the empty hallway. The friction between the slippers and the polished wooden floor enacted from the dark hallway. Jongdae cursed at himself, he should turn on the hallway light.  
  
As expected, it is Baekhyun emerges from there. He looks exhausted, his crisp white dress shirt looks saggy (?), his updo hair is falling gracefully above his eyes and his backpack shrugs off from his shoulder to midway on his elbow. He bends his elbow, the backpack anchors on it.  
  
There's a rush of mixed emotions content in Jongdae's body. He wanted to scream in frustration at Baekhyun being a douche, not letting him know where on earth he was. He wanted to throw his phone and breaks Baekhyun's annoying tired face because Jongdae is tired setting up everything for this _special day_ and it all went wasted because smartass professor Byun thought it isn't crucial not to reply Jongdae's 7 messages and 10 missed calls. Jongdae doesn't give a damn about this unwanted dinner, at least, a short message ‘I can't come ' or ‘wait for me' suffices to answer Jongdae's highly imaginative questions.  
  
Jongdae isn't overdramatic or exaggerate this, but who won't when he's been shut off from Baekhyun's acknowledge for almost the whole day. Jongdae's lips are itching to nag Baekhyun until his ears are falling off from his head.  
  
"Where have you been?" Jongdae stands up and crosses his arms. His exasperated tone give away his concerning about Baekhyun's being. There isn't _babe_ or even _baekkie_ at the end of his question. It sounds harsh without them as if Jongdae is possessive with Baekhyun. Jongdae winces, thinking the way he articulates his words. He shouldn't say that, shouldn't act bitchy. He should say how worried he was thinking where Baekhyun was. His wrath and disappointment get ahead of him—vulnerable, he is being blunt. Protecting his heavy heart.  
  
Baekhyun stares at Jongdae's unpleasant scowl, "Why aren't you asleep yet? It's late, you got work tomorrow." Baekhyun sighs listlessly.  
  
"Cut the crap Baekhyun, I asked you first. Where have you been? Don't you read my messages? What's wrong with you?" Jongdae bombards series of questions. Baekhyun looks a bit clueless—ah, yeah—his phone had died on him, he didn't bother to check nor recharge it. He was too busy, immerse on something else that doesn't spell Jongdae on it. "I forgot to charge my phone this morning and it went off during my lunch break. I'm sorry Jongdae, I thought you would know if I didn't call you back. I didn't expect it turn out like this." Baekhyun shrugs the backpack strap back onto Baekhyun's broad shoulder. Jongdae is dumbstruck listen to it. Five years of marriage, two years of dating and three years of friendship Jongdae had never heard that weak excuse. He's paroxysm in confusion and anger, mixed up together in a swirl of a doubt.  
  
Is this even Byun Baekhyun?  
  
"Why are you being so ignorant Baekhyun? It's 10.45 p.m.—am I going to sleep like a log not knowing what happen to you or where were you half of the day? If you can't get through my messages and calls, why don't you use your phone office or borrow someone else phone? Don't you ever worry about me far from you? Lost connection? Don't you think about what am I doing without your presence? Do you even know what today is?" Jongdae emphasises the last question, he rambles, talks from his agitated heart. Baekhyun swore he sees a flash of agony reflects in Jongdae's clear eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay. I had a rough day today—I told you I would be busy this week." Baekhyun heaves a sigh. Jongdae grimaces, "It doesn't answer my question. Where the hell were you?" He hisses, rage simmering in his vein but his face is telling otherwise. Poignant paints his bright face. "Why can't you be honest with me, Baekhyun? Stop making things difficult." Jongdae is tired, he's tired asking repetitively and hearing the answer with different words but had the same meaning. Baekhyun pushes back his chestnut fringe and taking a deep breath. He looks up and let his gaze falls on Jongdae's gloomy face. "Jongdae, I don't have time to idle around. I was in my office, grading the papers, updating my teaching logs, post-mortem; Jongdae I'm deeply sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I thought you won't be this worried about me. It's that month again where I'm saving my student's future." Baekhyun purses his lips—guilt consuming him alive. He doesn't like the looks on Jongdae's face. The face of insecure, he isn't sure about Baekhyun—are we still ok?  
  
Baekhyun takes a step closing the gap between them. His eyes meet with Jongdae's. He gingerly enclosed his numb arms around Jongdae's warm body, resting his head against the crook of Jongdae's neck—he smells like green tea and refreshing herbs. It is soothing his hazy mind. Jongdae doesn't reciprocate his hug, hands are hanging limply on his sides. His heart is fuzzy with warm; he can't get mad for hours with Baekhyun. He knows how to tame Jongdae's anger, to melts his icy insecure and radiates his love seeps through his cracked hearts; closing it together. Baekhyun's hands are moving down around Jongdae's slender waist—their favourite place, Baekhyun admires it and it pleases Jongdae. "I love you, no matter what happened. My heart always wants you and no one else. Don't ever doubt us, ever." Baekhyun whispers on his pulse underneath Jongdae's skin. Those words reverberating back to Jongdae's heart. It is unfair Baekhyun can ease him back like this, he isn't weak for Baekhyun but Jongdae is too late. He's trap under Baekhyun's spell—love.  
  
"You always come back home because you hate the food at the cafeteria. It's weird when you are not eager for dinner especially anniversary dinner." Jongdae reasons his upset behaviour. He becomes pliant in Baehyun's arm. He always gives up everything easily when it comes to Baekhyun. He shouldn't but he can't. He feels the way Baekhyun's arms pushing him on Baekhyun's chest as if he wanted to merge Jongdae with him. "Shit, Jongdae, I'm so sorry. I didn't really remember it, I swear Jongdae. Ah, this season is taking a toll on me. I'm sorry for making you mad, I deserve it though but you don't. How can I make it up to you?" Baekhyun lifts his head up, commencing a trail of kisses from Jongdae's neck to his strong jaw. Jongdae limbs are surrender to Baekhyun's passionate, intimate kisses. Those thin lips send tingling sensation at his loins. "Is dinner still available, chef Kim?" Baekhyun hot breath tickles Jongdae's ear. He nips Jongdae's sensitive ear sensually and his hands are gripping with great strength on Jongdae's petite waist; pushing his crotch against Jongdae's  
  
Jongdae snaps out.  
  
He pushes Baekhyun away from him, disentangled him from Baekhyun's guilt embrace. No, not today, not again. Jongdae shouldn't succumb to Baekhyun's plea. Jongdae is breathing heavily and Baekhyun is in shocked—astonished. "I'm sorry Baekhyun, I-I'm tired, I'm not in the mood. I don't know Baekhyun I feel something off tonight. Maybe it's just me. If you're still hungry, I could warm up your food." Jongdae looks everywhere but his husband. He folds his fingers in a tight fist to conceal his trembling hands. Jongdae isn't brave enough to hold up his head, looking into Baekhyun's sullen eyes, frown face and—"It's okay Jongdae, It's my fault after all." Baekhyun smiles listlessly. Jongdae holds his head down, his eyes are shadowed with sadness; Baekhyun is being weird.  
  
"Anyway, it's late Jongdae. We need to go to bed or we are going to end up late for work, tomorrow." Baekhyun picks up his steps, brushing past Jongdae and halts briefly. "I'll sleep in the guest room. A lot of things get on me, I need some time alone." Jongdae doesn't budge from his spot, remains silent. Baekhyun's shadow fades as he goes deeper down to the hallway. He doesn't need Jongdae's answer; he leaves his husband alone.  
  
Jongdae feels shitty; this is bullshit. He's almost pulling his hair out worrying and fretting about his husband's safety rather than their anniversary. Baekhyun acts as if there's nothing big to worry about. Yeah, just because Baekhyun ignored his calls and messages doesn't mean he's a total jerk—but to give such excuse and left him hanging as if Jongdae is a mere toy to play with when Baekhyun is bored, jerk doesn't fit him at all—bastard? Jongdae can't find one disgusting, hatred word for Baekhyun.  
  
Jongdae wipes his eyes, he doesn't realise when he spills out his lonely, anguish tears. He never felt this hurt before throughout his living with Baekhyun. It wasn't a big deal Baekhyun came home late, forget their anniversary—they have their own life, Baekhyun isn't Jongdae his puppy and vice versa. But, ignored by Baekhyun, his husband, his lover and his best friend is the last thing Jongdae wanted to go through.  
  
He never sleeps alone when he's incomparably upset. It seems tonight he needs to learn how to sleep without Baekhyun's warm and loving embrace.  
  
  
  
  
  
The blaring noise from Jongdae’s alarm clock breaks the morning silence inside his shared room with his spouse. He hates it when he wakes up in a reality. Yesterday night wasn’t a nightmare, Baekhyun for real breaks his heart. Jongdae reluctantly sits up on the bed, his body is sluggish and tired from his paroxysm of grief. His hand wanders for his iPhone 6S on the nightstand beside the bed. He lights up the home screen by pressing the power key on top of it. Jongdae’s heart clenches at his home screen wallpaper—Baekhyun kisses his cheeks aggressively while attempt to take selca together on their honeymoon. The picture is a bit shaky but it is priceless. Jongdae in the picture looks content and very happy. He missed his Baekhyun even he’s in another room—so close yet too far.  
  
The huge number appears on top of the screen shows it’s already 7.00 AM, he has an hour to get ready before the school open. Jongdae drags his bare feet from his king sized bed to the master bathroom. He doesn’t know if he can go to work in this condition, he doesn’t want to mix his personal affair with his professional. He goes to the bathroom and the first thing he does is looking at his own reflection on the mirror panel. That was embedded in the bathroom wall above the sink.  
  
He cursed at his swollen eyes and pale face. He hopes there’s still extra eye patches he kept somewhere on the counter. He blames himself for letting himself indulged his sorrow and cried overboard when he has to go for work today. He way passes his angsty teenage life, he should act mature and be a responsible adult. It’s foolish of him to cry because of Baekhyun, he did nothing wrong, he didn’t cheat on Jongdae. Baekhyun was busy and couldn’t get back home as usual. Even though Jongdae’s deepest insecurity nags at him ’Baekhyun would never leave you alone.’  
  
7.15 AM  
  
Jongdae is still a married man and Baekhyun is still his legal husband. What happened last night was a history wrote in their memories. Today will be a new fresh start, Jongdae hopes for it. He clad in his baby blue work blouse and dark blue slacks; walks to the kitchen, prepares breakfast and luncheons for himself and Baekhyun, like a good husband he always is. Baekhyun doesn’t set the rules Jongdae should be the ’wife’ in this relationship. It comes naturally Jongdae fits better in taking care of the house and Baekhyun than a reckless Baekhyun. It will always be him waking up early to fix Baekhyun’s breakfast and pack him a homemade lunch because his picky eater husband doesn’t like canteen’s food.  
  
That’s why it’s very odd to see Baekhyun making his own green tea when supposedly Jongdae would be on that spot while Baekhyun complaining his student’s half-assed exams—waiting for his tea at the kitchen counter. Jongdae doesn’t know how to react to this new adjustment in his life. He pretends that he doesn’t see Baekhyun a while ago straining the green tea leaves inside his lucky mug. He goes for the fridge to warm up yesterday’s dinner and pack it as their lunch. It’s too much to take braised lamb chop as lunch but Jongdae doesn’t like to waste it. Baekhyun is humming to his favourite song, moon of Seoul—the beat goes well with the morning atmosphere—he glances at his left shoulder and sees Jongdae is rummaging the fridge.  
  
People would say, Baekhyun is clumsy and convivial to feel remorse about yesterday event. No, Baekhyun would never forget the way Jongdae’s lips turned upside down, his eyebrows met each other and those tears silently rolled on his high cheekbone. Baekhyun bites his lower lip, looking down at his pale yellow drink. He knew it was his fault but Jongdae didn’t assuage his tiredness guilt yesterday. Jongdae’s face kept reminded Baekhyun of his sin; he was a disdain man, disrespectful—Jongdae deserves better. Baekhyun is not a good man.  
  
And there’s his ego simmering in his gut, he doesn’t want to concede what he had done. Seals his mouth and remain silent.  
  
Jongdae emotionally can feel the silent treatment Baekhyun is giving to him. Is he to blame about them? Jongdae is confused, he tried to be a good husband the same way his mother had taught him. However, he failed badly. Baekhyun wouldn’t be upset about him if Jongdae didn’t do it. In the end, Jongdae is a human who couldn’t please everyone including Byun Baekhyun; his lovely husband.  
  
The strained silence is there again between them. Jongdae is scared. Baekhyun is stubborn. Neither of them greets each other and give morning kisses like usual. Jongdae dumps the chilled food on the counter abruptly. Baekhyun accidentally knocks over his mug and flustered about the mess he made. Jongdae turns his head over his shoulder; Baekhyun is fussing at his spoiled green tea. Jongdae sighs, Baekhyun is clumsy as ever.  
  
Baekhyun is looking around for the kitchen cloth somewhere at the sink, but nothing. Jongdae strides to the kitchen drawers. He opens it and picks out the new cloth stored inside of it. Jongdae ignores Baekhyun, who is still fussing at the kitchen sink. He wipes off the harmless liquid on the marble tile, quietly. Baekhyun witnesses Jongdae cleans up the mess instead of him. Jongdae always the one who cleans up everything—metaphorically and in real life.  
  
Jongdae hates it when Baekhyun is utterly quiet; he is too comfortable with Baekhyun’s chitter-chatter he can’t stay in prolonged silence for too long. It’s torturing him. The hot tea scalds Jongdae soft skin, but it doesn’t hurt the way his heart had been.  
  
At last, Baekhyun decides to talk, but it doesn’t ease Jongdae’s heart. “Jongdae, I won’t be home for dinner. I might do OT.” Jongdae doesn’t say a word. He can’t think any word to reply to that request. “Jongdae, say something. You’re oddly quiet today.” Baekhyun pleads. Jongdae walks passes him to the sink, to rinse off the used cloth. Jongdae doesn’t look at him, “There’s nothing to say about it, Baekhyun.” He hangs the cloth on the faucet. Baekhyun frowns at Jongdae’s cold attitude. “Is this about yesterday, Jongdae?” The question doesn’t stop Jongdae from doing his duty in the kitchen. He busies himself placing the food needs to reheat inside the Tupperware. Baekhyun is standing in the kitchen like a sore thumb even though only them in here. Jongdae moves to the microwave, to reheat the food. “Are you okay, if I make you toast and eggs for breakfast?” Jongdae inquires him instead of answering Baekhyun’s question.  
  
“I told you, I’m very sorry Jongdae. If you’re disappointed about that we couldn’t celebrate our anniversary yesterday night, I will make up to you.” Baekhyun comes closer towards Jongdae, entering Jongdae’s personal space. Jongdae’s breathe hitches when Baekhyun grabs his hand and kiss on the back of his hand; like a gentleman.  
  
Baekhyun’s smouldering eyes are intense and they are affecting Jongdae’s wreck emotions. How can Jongdae act insignificant towards Baekhyun, if the man he loves knows his weak spot? His hands are still in Baekhyun’s tight, determined grasp. His pink, thin lips are moving against his cold skin. “Jongdae, please. I’m sorry and I mean it. I want to kiss you, but I can’t do it because I’m afraid to hurt you again. Please Jongdae, don’t do this to me.” Baekhyun’s eyes won’t leave from Jongdae’s tired eyes.  
  
_'How could you say that, Baekhyun? You did this to me.’_ Jongdae lets out a sigh and closes his eyes. He’s forcing himself to push down his sadness in the deepest part of himself. Baekhyun always wins in the end of this fight. He’s a leech who won’t understand the phrase of ’give up’. Jongdae’s walls are crumbling and he can’t pretend he doesn’t miss his husband. “I miss you Baekhyun, you’re forgiven.” Jongdae can’t afford to cry because it will ruin his concealer and foundation. He needs that mask to survive throughout the day.  
  
Baekhyun’s face light up like a Christmas tree. He wraps an arm around Jongdae’s waist, rest it against his tailbone. The other to hold his cheek at a perfect angle, for Baekhyun to slot his lips between Jongdae’s lonely, soft lips. Jongdae is smart not to grab the front of Baekhyun’s shirt and opts to lock his arms around his neck. Baekhyun is chasing for Jongdae’s lips, hastily to merge their lips together. Their body rocks back and forth, Jongdae moans at the sudden heat wave course through his body. Baekhyun can’t hold his desire for Jongdae after listening to his alluring moans. He cups both of Jongdae’s perky buttocks, grinds their crotch together. The sudden motion surprising Jongdae, he gasps and Baekhyun takes the advantage of it by slipping his tongue inside of his mouth. He’s licking every corner, crooks and hooks of Jongdae’s hot and wet cavern.  
  
Jongdae wants to suck Baekhyun’s naughty tongue but he remembers the kids at the school are waiting for him. Those innocent faces tame his arousal and he tries to stop this ministration before they get carried away by lust. He shoves Baekhyun from him gingerly and smiles at Baekhyun’s dazed state. He strokes Baekhyun’s swollen, red lips with his thumb. Baekhyun smirks at him and licks a stripe on it. Jongdae shrieks and Baekhyun laughs heartily at Jongdae.  
  
BEEP!  
  
Both married couples jolt at the sudden noise come from the microwave and laugh at each other’s silliness. Baekhyun’s eyes are soft, looking at Jongdae’s face. He’s glad, Jongdae smiles and laugh again. Jongdae’s face looks good with happiness on him and Baekhyun wishes that he can give his husband more happiness in his life.  
  
Later, Baekhyun’s rings inside his pants’ pocket, vibrates on the side of his thigh. He delves his hand inside the pocket and fishes out his Samsung Note5. Jongdae turns sour watching Baekhyun immediately answers the call. They were having a moment after almost 24 hours being separated. “I’ll be there ASAP, I’m still at home. Yes, I’m getting ready right now. I’m driving today, so there’s no need to be in a hurry.” Baekhyun slides the screen, ends the call.  
  
“I’ll prepare your breakfast now, Baekhyun. Give me 5 minutes or so, okay?” Jongdae realised he hasn’t cooked anything for his hungry husband. He’s was overwhelmed by his unnecessary wild emotions. “Sorry babe, I have to go now. I don’t want to get caught in the traffic. I’ll eat some biscuits we had in the pantry.” Baekhyun is fixing his crooked tie and smooth out his well-ironed blouse work. Jongdae opens the microwave’s door quickly and carefully takes out the hot lamb. “Can you wait for a bit? At least, let me pack up your lunch. I don’t want you to come back home whining at me about that disgusting cafeteria and you starve yourself because of that.” Baekhyun doesn’t deserve Jongdae. It does hurt Baekhyun, but he was the one who leash himself onto this arrangement. He will face this consequence soon, it isn’t easy to stop himself now.  
  
“Jongdae, it’s okay. I’ll just eat Pringles or snack anything for lunch. I’ve to go now, for real Jongdae.” Baekhyun steps out from the kitchen and disappears before Jongdae can turn to his back and say ’goodbye have a nice day, love.’  
  
Jongdae had should know better. Baekhyun won’t change in overnight. Once he had changed, there won’t be a way to turn him back. He’s fixed as his earth sign.  
  
The lunchbox he had prepared feels heavy in his grasp.  
  
Together with his heart.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It is recessed time for the kids and the staffs in the school. Jongdae can take his time to relax in the teacher lounge before the next period begin. Once he is inside, a lot of his colleague are swarming at the centre of the room to get some food he bought. If they know the truth behind his braised lamb chop, mashed potato and coleslaw; would they eat it? It isn’t that bad. He hadn’t touched them since yesterday but people won’t have the heart or disgusted when they know the reason Jongdae is being generous today.  
  
"Mr. Kim Jongdae, why are you daydreaming in the middle of the entrance? Come on, eat with us! People want to shower you with a lot of compliments!" Mira, his closest colleague gestures him to come over there. Jongdae tugs the corner of his lips, it curls like feline lips. He walks across the room with hesitation. He should sign up to be the discipline teacher and patrons the school's spatial without making a conversation with any of his colleague. It's just him and the kids out there.  
  
"How's the food, everyone?" Jongdae asks them politely.  
  
"I can't believe you cooked all of these, Mr. Kim. You're making me embarrassed of myself. I could only cook basic food and I'm a woman! Ah, my mom won't be happy if she knows this." Ms. Nana, the 4th-grade art teacher laughs elegantly. She covered half of her face with the back of her dainty, pretty hand. Jongdae shakes his head, sexism still exist in this 20th century. "Ms. Nana, women are not obligated to be the domestic provider. Cooking is a skill, you can be better than me with more practice." Jongdae can offer her his smile and words. Nana is blushing at Jongdae's saccharide words, she excuses herself from the mini-potluck before she is becoming a tomato.  
  
Mira scoffs, "Jongdae, you charm the wit out of her! You lady-killer, you break an innocent lady's heart. She doesn't know you swing the other way." Jongdae merely shrugs. "She will know it, besides gossips spread like a wildfire in this school." Mira holds Jongdae's shoulder and he is tensed from the contact. "Jongdae, are you alright? You look pale, is everything okay? Let's go back to the office." She demands Jongdae to follow her get back to their office. The place has fewer people and they can have some privacy. Jongdae lets Mira takes him away by holding his wrist. To be honest, he isn't feeling very well from the other day and he knows why.  
  
Once Jongdae's butt take a seat on his leather, office chair. Mira doesn't have mercy on him and interrogates him directly. "Spill it out." Jongdae looks up at Mira, she is standing in front of him. Her hands are crossing over on her chest. He balled his fist on his armchair and sighs for the million times today. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm tired, that's all. Don't worry about me." Somehow, Mira isn't convinced by Jongdae's lie. She doesn't give up on him, yet. "Well, you're going to explain about your sick face if you want me to let you go." She insists it. Jongdae doesn't budge, he refrains his mouth from saying anything. Mira relaxes her arm on her sides. "Fine, if you're not going to say anything, at least, take a rest or go to the infirmary. You look, you'll pass out soon in the hallway." Jongdae shakes his head, "I'm okay Mira, I'm tired nothing serious. I've class to teach after this, the kids need me." Mira rolls her eye, this is baloney. She isn't letting go of Jongdae easily. He's a masochist.  
  
"Would the kids behave if their favourite teacher can’t teach them for today?" Mira asks him worriedly.  
  
Jongdae chuckles, "They're angels, you'll be fine." Mira sighs in relief. "Then, I'll replace for you. If you're worried about my students, I don't have any class after this. You need to rest, drink water and take a nap." Jongdae whispers 'okay' and lean back on the chair. He doesn't have the energy to quarrel about himself with Mira. She isn't in the picture and not to complicate things he listens to her. Mira is happy, Jongdae doesn't put a fight with her. The bell is ringing, signalling the recess is over. "I'm going now. If you need anything, call me. Take care, Jongdae." Mira's high heels clack as she walks away from him, the sound fades as their distance from each other grows. Jongdae put his forearm on his eyes, swallows his saliva. He hopes for a better day and nothing else.  
  
  
  
  
  
It isn’t the first time Jongdae comes back home with no one welcomes him. Jongdae gets off from his work at 3 PM on normal days. If he’s involved in co-curriculum activities, he will finish it at 5 PM. He commutes by subway, Namseong station at exit 4; Namseong elementary school. He takes off his gleam, Oxford shoes and places them inside the shoe cabinet at the threshold. Even though he always comes back home from work alone, today the loneliness hits him real hard. He usually thinks about Baekhyun whenever he’s alone in the apartment. It does the trick to elevate his loneliness, but thinking of him at this moment, the loneliness hurts him at the core of his heart.  
  
  
  
He slips his feet into the slippers and slides his way to the master bedroom. He’s tired down to his bones, the foul mood takes a toll on him for the day. He unbuttons the first three button of his shirt as he get inside the room. He throws his messenger bag haphazardly on the bed. He jumps forward on the bed, opposite side from his bag and smothering his face on his fluffy pillows. He hugs it and breathes in Baekhyun’s lingering scent—clean, warm cotton is haunting his olfactory. He hates the fact he missed Baekhyun even though he’s being a douchebag towards him. Jongdae shouldn’t torture his feelings and mentality like this, but his heart can never say ’no’ to him. Jongdae wants to sleep and forgets everything. His mind is worn out and his heart is weak to think about Baekhyun’s bullshit.  
  
Before, Jongdae can melts his body in the bed. He remembers his leftover chores he couldn’t finish them yesterday, especially folding the clean laundry. He groans on the pillow very loud. He hates the unspoken rules in this house, he hates his maternity instinct is ruining his day because of this Baekhyun rarely do any house chores except as the grocery boy and kitchen helper. Why can’t Baekhyun learn one or two about house chores? Jongdae hates doing Baekhyun’s laundry on weekdays (weekends, Baekhyun do it instead). Baekhyun is stressing him out, does he ever thought about Jongdae? The cold stare, brief morning kisses, unwanted lunchbox and the silence Baekhyun gives to Jongdae since he left for work.  
  
Baekhyun’s apology felt insincere this morning, usually he isn’t half-assed when it comes to Jongdae. There were times Baekhyun irritated him, Jongdae sulked for a long period of time. Baekhyun is a stubborn man, but when Jongdae sulks Baekhyun will take anything and gives everything to cheer him up.  
  
Baekhyun’s apology didn’t cheer him up, the kiss was lust—it wasn’t sweet and didn’t convinced his heart. His phone is quite, the same silence Baekhyun gave to Jongdae this morning. Jongdae had been through fair share of arguments with Baekhyun. However, this is the first Baekhyun gives up. It scares Jongdae, Baekhyun being passive is out of ordinary. He can be quiet but never shuts himself from Jongdae. Did they arrived at the point of marriage crisis life? Did Baekhyun had enough with Jongdae?  
  
The hot tears are threatening to spill from his pitiful eyes. Jongdae sobs softly, he doesn’t want to believe their marriage comes to a demise. He shouldn’t let the foreboding feeling taunts him—Jongdae isn’t strong as Baekhyun deemed. Jongdae can’t be strong without Baekhyun.  
  
In the end, Jongdae doesn’t fold the piling laundry.  
  
  
  
  
  
To: Hubby  
  
_Kimchi fried rice for dinner with extra bacon. No complaints._  
  
Jongdae planned to cook bibimbap for dinner, but he didn’t realised he passed out and overslept that evening. He lays down by his side on the couch while holding his phone, typing a message to his husband. He’s scrolling up the screen and reads the old conversation he had with Baekhyun—a week ago. It would be a miracle if Baekhyun reply his text.  
  
He won’t.  
  
Jongdae curses at his stupidity and Baekhyun because he’s right, Jongdae recently becomes absent-minded about small things. He forgot Baekhyun isn’t come back home for dinner because of work, he sighs. Well, it’s a good reason he overslept today. Jongdae doesn’t have an appetite to eat bibimbap alone. Kimchi fried rice sounds good for a person who lives alone, although jjajangmyeon fits better. Jongdae’s stomach is making an animalistic growl, he groans as he gets up slowly from the couch. He trots to pick up the fried rice he had served before and walks back to the living room. He is uncomfortable eating in silence, a better way to strips off his loneliness while he’s eating is watching a TV—regardless what shows on it.  
  
11 PM  
  
Baekhyun slides his keycard on the lock system and opens the main door. His neatly combed hair is mussed up from scratching his head too much. He’s exhausted, his limbs are weak and wobble. He exerts a lot energy for today. He walks into the apartment without his slipper, Jongdae would scold him if he sees this. Speaking of Jongdae, Baekhyun doesn’t expect to see Jongdae is falling asleep on the couch. The TV is still on, he sees an empty plate together with half empty glass left on the coffee table. Random drama noises occupying the quiet room, nothing seems like a home for Baekhyun. He can’t erase the guilt he had done to Jongdae. Every time he sees Jongdae, the sin is following him like a shadow. Whatever bullshit Baekhyun did in their relationship, he swear on his soul he loves Jongdae for eternity. Then again, Baekhyun succumbs to those deadly sins very easy.  
  
Baekhyun comes closer to Jongdae, he kneels down beside him. Jongdae’s face is serene, Baekhyun falls for him again. He pushes back Jongdae’s silky, fringe and kiss on his smooth forehead. Jongdae moves a bit in his sleep and his lips relief a smile. Baekhyun smiles back. He leaves Jongdae to fetch a blanket and extra pillows for Jongdae. Baekhyun doesn’t want to take a risk of hurting Jongdae when he is carrying him back to their room—Baekhyun has weak arms and both are the same size, after all.  
  
He repositions Jongdae’s body in a better sleep position, turns him over on his back and a fluffy pillow underneath his head. He tucks the fleece blanket—perfect for the summer— over Jongdae’s hips. Jongdae prefers half covered blanket on him during this season. Baekhyun leans down to Jongdae’s chapped lips and kiss them.  
  
“I meant it Jongdae, I’m very sorry.” He whispers.  
  
  
  
  
  
The noise comes from the coffee machine disturbs Jongdae deep slumber. His mind is restless and it to wake him up. He sits up, a bit groggy. He looks down and to his surprise there is a blanket on him. He rubs his face to get off his tiredness. The sunlight seeps through the slit of the curtain behind him—it’s already morning. Jongdae’s mind is still fuzzy, but he knows he isn’t dreaming. The fleece blanket wraps around him, someone put it on him and he knows who was it—Baekhyun is home. He slowly gets up from the couch and folds the blanket to bring with him to the room.  
  
He stops in the hallway to take a look at Baekhyun is busy making his coffee early in the morning—he’s clad in his work attire and his hair is perfectly styled up ready for his work. It isn’t the first time Jongdae seeing this, but it is weird Baekhyun makes it fix to his routine. Baekhyun is a man of schedule whether he’s late or not.  
  
All the hours Jongdae had wait Baekhyun last night, Baekhyun hadn’t message or call him. Yes he knew Baekhyun would be back home late, but there’s no one to welcome Baekhyun home even though Jongdae never welcomed by anyone. He loves Baekhyun not to ignore him. However, Baekhyun is opposite from Jongdae—ignorant.  
  
This sudden changes cuts Jongdae’s heart to pieces. Confusion, doubts and agony they mixed together to poison his mind and heart. He can’t bear to look at Baekhyun facing his back, Jongdae’s tears are welling up. He runs for their room to lock himself in there, while pours out his woes.  
  
Jongdae is clothed in his blouse shirt and black trousers, enters the kitchen. His hands automatically grabs the apron hangs on the fridge. Baekhyun is at the counter sipping his hot black coffee while reading something on his phone. Jongdae sniffs, if Baekhyun wants to play like this so be it.  
  
“Morning Jongdae, what’s for breakfast?” Baekhyun asks while his eyes are on the phone. Jongdae scoffs, he can’t believe Baekhyun asked him with that attitude. “Egg and toast. You want something else?” Jongdae heats up the pan. Baekhyun sets aside his phone and looks up at Jongdae washing those eggs. “I’m fine, I eat whatever you make.” He smiles briefly, he’s grateful to have a husband like him. The guilt tugs Baekhyun’s conscience, _Jongdae doesn’t deserve this_. Baekhyun knows this is unfair to Jongdae, he doesn’t do anything to Baekhyun but kindness and love. Even though Baekhyun damages a lot of things between them.  
  
“Here, do you want me to refill your coffee?” Jongdae slides the plate across the counter. Baekhyun catches it. “You don’t need to. I’ll eat well then.” Baekhyun takes a bite of the toasted bread with sunny side up on top of it. Jongdae sits in front of Baekhyun and pours himself a glass of orange juice. He is loss of appetite, he hardly drinks the juice.  
  
The atmosphere between them isn’t awkward nor confused. The air around them is gloomy and tired. Jongdae couldn’t understand the relationship between of them. It comes abrupt on them, more exactly on Jongdae. There’s a lot of questions running through his minds, but he can’t articulate the words he wanted to say. He isn’t good with words—it’s Baekhyun’s specialty.  
  
“Jongdae, I won’t be home for dinner.” Jongdae doesn’t look at Baekhyun. It hurts him to listen it, he can’t risk it to stare at his face. Baekhyun eyes never left on Jongdae. He’s sad too, Jongdae refuses to look at him. He’s changed because of Baekhyun’s sin, Baekhyun doesn’t have the right to be mad with Jongdae’s new attitude.  
  
“Jongdae, I’ve to go now.” Baekhyun instantly stands up. Jongdae puts down the glass and hurries to get Baekhyun’s lunch he had stow in the fridge. “Wait Baekhyun, I haven’t reheat your lunch yet.” Baekhyun shakes his head, “It’s ok Jongdae. I’ve to go now see you later.” Baekhyun rushes getting his stuff and emerges from their house. Jongdae can’t even say his goodbye and he feels Baekhyun’s lips lingers on his lips—for the first time in five years, they don’t share their morning kisses anymore.  
  
It’s the beginning of the end and Jongdae concedes the pain truth.  
  
“Jongdae, are you okay? And don’t say ‘you’re fine’ because your face said otherwise and stop playing with your food. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to. You can save it later whenever you’re hungry.” Mira and Jongdae eating their lunch in the teacher’s lounge; at the corner of the room.  
  
“I’m tired that’s all.” Jongdae closes his Tupperware and chucks it in his warm lunch bag. Mira narrows her eye, giving him the eye. She chews her turkey sandwich and swallows it before she refutes him. “You said the same excuse since yesterday. Are you sick? I told you to go see a doctor if you were.” Jongdae drinks his yakult. His mind is a mess in there, he can’t say the thing that bugged him for the past few days airily.  
  
Mira wraps the leftover sandwich and sits closer to Jongdae. “Jongdae, I’m not pushing you but the kids in your class are talking about you to my kids. They said you cried when you talk about Leonardo Da Vinci, really Jongdae? What did he do to you?” Jongdae shifts in his seat to face Mira at his side. “Do you ever feel suspicious about your husband?” Jongdae crumples the small bottle in his grasp. “Does my husband has anything to do with this? Did he make you cried?” Mira is apprehensive not knowing his husband is involved. Jongdae gnaws his bottom lip—nervous.  
  
“No, he doesn’t do anything to me. What I meant is, do you ever feel something different about him? Are you guys okay with each other?” Mira is confused what is Jongdae trying to say, but she isn’t dense to connect the hints together. “We aren’t perfect couple if you want to know. We have our ups and down. There’s time I’m insecure about him, myself and us. We almost wanted to give up, to call this thing off but— Mira strokes her rose gold wedding band on her slender ring finger—we realised something, I can’t do anything without him and he can’t do anything without me. We don’t work for it to fix it, but we try to learn about each other again. Eventually we are more open about ourselves and talks out if we are uncomfortable about us.” Mira smiles softly, thinking about her husband.  
  
“Is there something wrong with Baekhyun?” Mira is testing the water.  
  
“Yeah, he is different. Is that normal for a married couple? Is there such a thing called personality development because of marriage or plateau phase over than 5 years and more?” Jongdae is mumbling so fast, Mira shuts her mouth.  
  
“Jongdae, I’ve been with my husband for 10 years. There’s no such thing a plateau phase in our marital life. Have you ever talk about this with him? You won’t know why he changed if you keep it inside.” Jongdae is desperate to cry, he tried so many times to talk this through, but Baekhyun—he changed.  
  
Mira takes Jongdae’s trembling hand in hers. “He talks, but I know they were lies. I’m not stupid, he gave the same excuse out of sudden. Mira, do you think he has someone else? I-I feel he doesn’t want to talk to me like before because he has someone better than me, right? It must be, he’s tired to play house with me. Whenever he leaves, as if he leaves for real. I don’t know Mira, I feel it in my heart.” Jongdae wipes his wet cheeks with the heel of his palm. His body shaking violently, to contain his devastation—his words finally were said. He isn’t glad about it nor the burden in his chest are lifted off. Mira hugs him, “No one understand the instinct, it is something gifted for someone like us. Jongdae, don’t make hasty decision. I beg you.”  
  
His heart is bleeding—Baekhyun doesn’t have to say it, Jongdae knows it already. Baekhyun has another light he wanted to chase and Jongdae can’t pull him down because he’s too far away.  
  
Jongdae doesn’t say anything except tears are falling down.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun is eating his chips—right hand typing his reports, the other hand is feeding himself. He is distracted by his works that he doesn’t hear the knocking on his door. “Baekhyun-hyung, what are you doing? I was knocking on your door until my knuckle turns red.” Baekhyun is half-way nibbling the chips, hanging between his lips. He sucks it and eats it all the way. “Sehun, I’m sorry I was a bit lost in work.” His eyes are sparkles and lights are dancing in them—he’s happy to see him. Sehun closes the door behind with his foot. “It’s lunch time why can’t you stop doing your work. Here, I made egg sandwiches for us to eat.” Sehun walks across the room and lands himself comfortably on Baekhyun’s lap. Baekhyun chuckles at Sehun’s cute behaviour, he pats the side of Sehun’s thigh.  
  
“I’m touched, you’re becoming so domestic on me.” Baekhyun grins.  
  
Sehun throws the paper bag on the desk. “It’s because I’m getting bored eating cafeteria food and you won’t eat them too. Which, it hurts me when you do that, I wanted to eat together with you.” He pouts. Baekhyun grabs Sehun’s pale neck, his lips are leaning on Sehun’s innocently—ironic on his action. Sehun closes his eyes and deepening their kiss. Sehun holds on Baekhyun’s sturdy shoulder and shifting his body closer to Baekhyun’s; he deepens their kiss and slowly pushing his tongue against Baekhyun’s lips.  
  
Baekhyun pulls Sehun’s body onto his lap, his hands are wandering on Sehun’s backside and sliding down to grab his buttocks. Sehun moans in Baekhyun’s mouth, grinding down his arousal against his professor’s crotch. The lust sparks in Baekhyun’s gut, he can’t resist this temptation—lavish food serves on the silver platter—he ruts his awakening cock in his pants on his sweet, daring secret. Sehun likes the simmering heat is burning his body. He licks Baekhyun’s teeth and sucks his tongue like he’s sucking his favourite tapioca black pearl. Baekhyun is greedy, he wants more; this isn’t enough.  
  
Baekhyun lightly shoves Sehun’s shoulder, breaking off their heated kiss. Baekhyun latch his swollen, moist lips along Sehun’s enticing long neck. Sehun throws back his head and his hands are gripping hard on his light, chestnut hair. Baekhyun doesn’t mind the pain and lets Sehun controls him, sucking and licking; leaving blooming hickeys on Sehun’s beautiful, unmarred skin. “Ah-hyung I-I can’t hold on. I want to suck your cock, pretty please?” Baekhyun looks up, he kisses up to the chin and lands on Sehun’s pouty lips. “Of course you can, baby. Sit on your knee and be a pretty little cum slut you are.” Sehun’s eyes are twinkling, excited to please Baekhyun. He obligates the order, carefully get off from Baekhyun’s lap and sits between his legs.  
  
Baekhyun smirks at Sehun, “I like it when you’re on your knees begging for my cock.” It’s funny when Sehun is taller than him, but he likes to be smaller for Baekhyun—Sehun is cute. “Can I touch you now, hyung?” Sehun asks like an obedient kid he is.  
  
Baekhyun is greedy for lust, addicted to sweet, gentle, sin and he is subconscious between hell and reality.  
  
“Hell yes, Sehunnie”  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae calls Baekhyun for umpteenth and there’s no respond to every single call he made. He’s in the subway; instead of taking the usual exit 4, he takes to Soongil University line and drop to the station where he will go to SNU; Bakhyun’s work place. Jongdae is beyond than hurt, he’s numb and tired. It’s easy to see through all of Baekhyun’s lie. The connection between them cuts off and Baekhyun ventures far away from Jongdae. His mother was right. He would never understand his father unless it’s his mother. There’s a special connection for spouses—a strong instinct.  
  
He can feel it tugs to lose, Baekhyun pulls the string too fast, too far it moves Jongdae too. Five years of marital life could be tiresome to anyone—who wants to play house for five years? Jongdae laughs when he thinks the pain truth he had learn from the past days.  
  
“Jongdae, Kim Jongdae is that you?” Jongdae is sitting in the guest lobby at the administrator department. He looks around for the voice and he is surprised to meet Kyungsoo’s boyfriend. “Chanyeol, what are you doing here?” Jongdae stands up and walks towards Chanyeol, standing taller than him. Chanyeol laughs, “That’s supposed to be my line you sly fox. Are you waiting for Baekhyun?” Jongdae fakes a smile, “Yeah, I was hoping for him to treat me dinner. I’m tired of cooking at home. Since you are here, maybe he won’t be frugal to treat us to dinner too.”  
  
“Oh that’s nice of you but Kyungsoo will castrate me if I’m late. Anyway, I was having a conference with the professors here. I saw Baekhyun and we talk a bit. He seems very busy. As playful as he can be, he’s a very serious guy. I have to give points on that.” Does Jongdae made wrong assumption about his husband? Chanyeol even thought Baekhyun was busy, should he give a chance? “Jongdae, are you ok?” Chanyeol’s voice shakes off Jongdae’s nightmare.  
  
“Ah, I’m sorry I was— “Hey Chanyeol and who’s—Jongdae?” Chanyeol turns around and step aside for Jongdae to see. It’s Baekhyun and with someone else; they are particularly very close and holding hands? What is happening right now? “Baekhyun-hyung, who are they?” Sehun whispers is audible enough for Jongdae to hear. Jongdae can see the fear in Baekhyun’s eyes, he’s afraid of something; probably to tell the truth.  
  
Chanyeol doesn’t need to ask anyone to help him to understand this situation. He isn’t blind, he isn’t deaf and he isn’t mute. He can’t believe this cliché, cheap soap drama is happening right in fron of his eyes. He can hear the crack beneath Jongdae’s stoic face, it’s so loud Chanyeol can’t stand it.  
  
“Baekhyun, fancy seeing you here again. Jongdae and I was planning to eat dinner at a sushi bar nearby. Right, babe?” Chanyeol wraps around Jongdae’s shoulder and it bumps right on Chanyeol’s ribs. Baekhyun looks confused laced with anger. Jongdae is speechless, he is in a stupor. How could Baekhyun do this to him? “Baekhyun-hyung, say something.” This tall, lanky guy tugs Baekhyun’s hands. His petulant face irks Jongdae. “Oh, I-I-this is Chanyeol he is my friend and Jongdae is—his boyfriend.” Baekhyun shouldn’t say it, but it would be worst if he tells the truth—lies or truth, Jongdae is still hurt. Chanyeol would like to punch Baekhyun’s shameless face, Jongdae tries hard as he can not to cry, not to scream, not to beat Baekhyun ass because he doesn’t know what had happened just now.  
  
“Jongdae-ssi, you look sick.” Sehun shatters the icy silence with his concerns. Jongdae would like to be nice with this kid, he seems so kind and sweet—under a different circumstances. Chanyeol takes this chance to take away Jongdae from this horrible nightmare. “Well, it’s nice meeting you Baekhyun and— Chanyeol points his finger at the kid. “Sehun. My name is Oh Sehun.”  
  
“Yes, Sehun. We’ll be going now. Jongdae looks pale when he’s famished. See you later then.” Chanyeol speaks too fast for anyone to catch on. Sehun beams at them, “It’s ok, See you later. Come on Baekhyun-hyung, I’m hungry too! Feed me samgyeopsal and bubble tea.” Jongdae eyes mirroring the pain inside of him when he looks at Baekhyun. The guilt is heavier than before it could crash Baekhyun anytime. The wedding band around his fingers feels heavy and cold. Jongdae mouths his words _how could you, Baekhyun?_  
  
Baekhyun’s time is up, the lift door shuts violently in front of him. No pleas or apologies could fix ‘this’.  
  
It’s been a long time Jongdae had cried because of a person. When his grandmother passed away, Jongdae couldn’t stop crying and asking for his grandmother for a week—that’s when he was 8 years old.  
  
It happens again, except it isn’t about his grandmother. It’s about Byun Baekhyun who kills him instead of the other way. He knows who Baekhyun is for the longest time, ten years being with him. He doesn’t need Baekhyun to spew dumb OT excuse to him for another one or two weeks for Jongdae to realise he was betrayed by his husband.  
  
His tears are streaming down his red cheeks, he screams his resentment about Baekhyun, it echoes loudly inside the apartment. His neighbours can make a complaint about it because Jongdae can’t live with someone who doesn’t love him anymore. He runs around the complex looking for his stuff to take with him. He decides to stay at Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s place for indefinite time until he can put his shit together.  
  
His cries haven’t come down, loud and clear to be heard. The tightening feel in his chest makes him harder to breathe. His mind is hazy, the picture of Baekhyun holding his new lover drowns his sanity. The most painful part was when Baekhyun couldn’t decide to tell the truth or lie. Baekhyun doesn’t have a choice both statements would eventually hurt one of the parties and somehow, Baekhyun is willing to hurt Jongdae more than ever.  
  
Jongdae isn’t an important person to Baekhyun anymore. Their playing house game has come to end. It’s time for Jongdae to pack up and leave, this place isn’t for Jongdae. He drags his heavy luggage with a heavy heart. His lips are trembling, his body is shaking coming forward to the main door. Jongdae loves Baekhyun with all of his heart, he’s mad with himself because he can’t hate Baekhyun despite everything happened today. He doesn’t want to leave Baekhyun, he loves him so much. He can’t imagine living without Baekhyun. In the end he makes up his mind to leave because things are easier if he let go of Baekhyun to be with who makes him happy nowadays.  
  
If it meant for Baekhyun’s happiness, he’s fine with it. What’s the point of Baekhyun living with someone who can’t beat his heart like Jongdae beats for Baekhyun. Yeah, Jongdae gives everything for Baekhyun—that how’s love works for Jongdae. His mom always told him _don’t break someone’s heart because karma is a bitch_ Even it breaks Jongdae’s heart, he believes somewhere out there his happiness will come to him around.  
  
“Jongdae, let me help you.” Chnayeol who waits him at the threshold can’t bear to watch. He didn’t cry in the elevator, in his car on their way to Jongdae’s place, but when he opens the door and the unique smell of his home hits hard on Jongdae—his walls collapse.  
  
Chanyeol takes over the luggage from Jongdae and carefully helps him wears his shoes. “I’m sorry Chanyeol for dragging you into this” Jongdae croaks voice is too painful for Chanyeol to listen. “I’m fine. You on the other hand, need this.” Jongdae laughs hollowly, “I don’t even know what I need after this. It’s so bizarre.” He should listen to his mother advice seriously, _don’t fall in love hard because in the end you’ll get hurt_ he’s too deep to go back where he begins.


End file.
